Fall Thoughts

It’s 5pm on a Wednesday in the middle of September and I’m sitting on the squeaky swing in our backyard. I am pushing my sleepy 6 month old in her swing, watching Griffin blow drippy bubbles over the pine needles, and listening to Steve as he mows away the last remnants of a very long, very dry summer. I’m thinking Fall might finally be near.
Although I should probably be thinking about what to make for supper, or the pile of unfolded laundry on my bed, or the dishwasher full of clean dishes, I decided to take out an old notebook and a cheap pen to try to remember how to do something that used to come very naturally. Writing.
When I was in college I was constantly grasping for subject matter to fulfill my never-ending writing assignments; now I find that I have a continual supply of subject matter, but no time to write it down. Writing, like any other form of art, requires discipline, and like any other artist, it’s hard for me to discipline without a deadline.
I sometimes wonder if baby baths and new teeth and new words–both good and bad–are as important as some of the other things going on in the “real world” outside of my own 2.5 acres. It’s almost impossible not to get lost in these things when I am consumed by them for 15 hours a day. Almost as impossible as it is to keep your own mouth closed while feeding the baby peas or squash from a tiny spoon.
For better or worse, I’m realizing that at this point in my life, the most important thing I can do is attempt to fill the needs of those who are dependant on me. There are really only a few short– extremely short– years where my kids will want to be held, want to read a book with me, or want to go outside and play in the yard. I’m trying not to set the bar impossibly high for myself, but I don’t want to disappoint them either.
The other day I was driving in the Camry with 2 kids in carseats when the lady in front of me slammed on her breaks and swerved suddenly to avoid hitting a squirrel. I missed her back bumper by a few feet and as we both resumed our course I caught her relieved smile in the rearview mirror. I smiled back, for some reason, both glad that we hadn’t wrecked, but also happy that somewhere a little squirrel had safely made his way back to a tree somewhere in the nearby woods. It was a few miles down the road before I remembered how much I hate squirrels. I don’t know why I had been so glad to have another squirrel running around except that it is one of those instinctive feelings that you can’t control. Nobody wants to be charged with vehicular squirrel slaughter.
The tale of the squirrel (ha ha) is obviously not a perfect illustration. However, I’m hoping some of the motherly instincts God has implanted in me are going to continue kicking in as long as I have cuts to bandage and hard questions to answer. On evenings like this, while smelling the grass and pushing a swing, it’s hard to believe there isn’t some peace and contentment in my life right now.

Mom Hood

Because I am either too tired or too lazy to properly keep a journal, and because some things must be written when then happen otherwise they will be forgotten in the days that seem to be running together in my life right now, here is a little appetizer for those who aren't moms, and an "I've been there before" for the rest of you.
This morning we were up earlier than normal with a mission to see dear Sarah and her family for brunch. (we love you Sarah!) Everything went really well and we had a great time with friends. All the kids involved in the outing behaved really well and with only one dirty diaper, 4 matchbox cars, one cup of juice, one pack of "Yo-Go's" and one trip to see the fountain at Panera, we were back in carseats and back on our way home.
I had been up early getting myself and the car ready for this adventure, so I was tired and very ready for both kids to take a nice long nap after lunch. We finished lunch at home and I gave Griffin some cold medicine and put him to bed. Madelyn was still wide awake since she had slept in the car, so I played with her for 45 minutes. I put her down around 3pm...sigh. I was very ready to do a few motherly things and then hopefully try to rest before they were both back up again.
I decided before my nap I needed to make some homemade applesauce with the apples I had in the fridge because I didn't want them to go bad, I had been putting it off for a week, and Maddy really needed the applesauce for supper. I didn't think it would take long. Has anyone ever peeled a bag of apples? It took longer than I thought.
So, I was in the kitchen peeling and slicing an entire bag of apples, enjoying my new OTR CD and smelling the cooking apples.. really savoring a few minutes of adult time when I heard Griffin screaming from his room--it wasn't even 3:30 yet.
I ran back there and was trying to keep the screaming to a minimum so he wouldn't wake Maddy up, but when I got to the bed I saw something I hope I will never see again. Griffin had managed to remove his diaper and was literally in a pool of pee on his bed. Everything was completely soaked, amd he had snot streaming down his face. It was one of those moments; I was trying to comfort him, calm him, change the sheets, change him, and also let him know that he had done a very bad thing all at once. In the meantime my apples were boiling away in the kitchen.
I'll spare the remaining graphic details, but he was too traumatized to go back to sleep, my 25 minutes of apple-cooking labor only yeilded about 12 servings of baby-sauce, and I still haven't had the rest I have been needing since lunch. So, why am I staying up typing this on facebook now? you may ask. Because if I don't record a few of these "precious" moments when they happen, it will be just another day in the mom hood.